Catching up on my blogging part I: Convocation
Well, so much has happened I am not even sure where to begin.
First, there was Convocation back in February. I left Con intended to write a detailed blog of all that happened and how I felt, but came home to find my favorite author of all time-Octavia Butler dead-and somehow never got around to it. This past winter was really a difficult one for me. I was stifled and frustrated with my work situation. I was having a difficult time finding an rough estimation of a "happy medium" with A. I was not sure what path I wanted my romantic life (or lack there of) to take. The end of February brought Con and it was a welcome and much needed opportunity to cleanse my spirit.
Con was great this year. I am not sure if it was Con itself or just that I so desperately needed the chance and opportunity to cleanse my soul and spirit. A and I went early on thursday. This year I was smart and took the entire week off-so I was not feeling rushed for Con. We met N, D and M at the hotel. We had tried to get rooms next to each other, but because we got a room with two double beds and they got a room with a king size bed-we were in different areas. I had decided this year to bring many of my magical tools with me. Con is a time to focus inward and cleanse your spirit and I wanted to begin each day with yoga and meditation. For the most part I was able to do so.
Con is also about renewing friendships that have waned during the year. I saw T and L who it now feels like I ONLY see at Con. T and I even attended a ritual together-though both she and N were at the women's ritual with A and I. I was also able to hook up with Je and Ja. It had been a long time since we had a seen each other and it felt really good to see them again. I was surprised at some of the changes in Je, but I believe they are mostly for the best. Ja was the same and I can see how steady, easy going soul is a balm and healing for Je. It was somewhat akward with T and L and Je and Ja-given the past and hurt feelings. I have to say that I felt that T was not as sensitive as she could have been given the circumstances. But, such is life and somehow I managed to weather the thin line between supporting all of my friends and staying out of everyone's personal drama and beef. My heart was with Ja though.
The first class I went to thursday night was boring. The teacher was an author and spent most of the class trying to talk us into purchasing his books. I was irritated to say the least. The sad part is if he had spent as much energy teaching the subject as he did trying to sell his books, I probably would have bought his books to learn more. Needless to say I did not go to any more of his classes.
The more years I attend Con-the less classes I go to. There is less that I am interested in and this year I really wanted to focus on the rituals. The Women's Ritual was amazing. I feel that way every year after every Women's Ritual-but this year was special. A was in he ritual with me. She really fought me tooth and nail about going and at times I was not sure if it was best to push it or let it go. In the end I pushed it and she admitted later that she really enjoyed it and was glad that she had attended. I will not say what all happened-because that is between myself and the goddess-but let me say that it served wonderfully to renew my soul. There are no words to describe what such a ritual is like or what it offers to those who participate in it. I felt renewed, lighter, freer, at peace. It was exactly what I needed and I left the ritual as more than I began it as.
I shopped in the Merchants Room-but again the more years I go, the more things I have and the less I buy. I always try to spend at least $100.00 to support the vendors. I want to encourage and support pagan vendors and I know that many make a huge effort and at much expense to attend Con inorder to vend. I also know that many attened for shopping as much as classes. I enjoy the variety of what is offered and want to do my part to support that variety.
A made friends with a jewelry designer and spent much of Con with her and with the other 'tweeners. A has a real gift and interest for making jewelry. I wish she would focus more of her energy on it. She spends alot of her energy and time trying to do the crafts I do-like crocheting-but while she is the spitting image of me physically-we could not be more different personality wise. I try to encourage her interest in jewelry making. She is good at it and it makes her happy, but not push too hard so she will not rebel to spite me. Sigh, parenting a pre-teen is hard work!
Brooke was not able to stay a complete day-but she did wear a skirt of mine to go to the drumming and looked wonderful. I think Con is good for Brooke and she insists that Con 2007 she will stay for the whole thing and she wants to bring her friend OJ with her and have them get their own rooms and everything. She will be 18 by Con of 2007 and I think she feels like she will be able to share the truth of what we do that weekend with her mother. I hope for her sake that is the case.
My mom talked about going, looked at the site and everything for weeks but in the end decided not to go. She was feeling crowded by K and the kids and decided to stay at my house while I was gone. I was ok with it, but very irritated to return home and find she had made a mess. I can not abide chaos and disorder and was real irritated. I was nearing the end of my vacation and had only monday left off before I had to return to my job and A had school and that was going to be a day of reflection for me. Thankfully, my mom did not stay late sunday and I still had my monday to myself. In a sense I was grateful she did not attend Con. I am not sure if she would have felt confident enough to go her own way. I have no attachments at Con. A is old enough to do what interests her. I keep up with her and insisted she attend some classes-but otherwise she requires little hands on care. My friends are all there and we have some classes or rituals together and I always eat with some or all of my friends for meals-but we each go our own way. I like that apsect of Con. I think my mom would like that as well and fit right in. However, I am not sure if she realizes how very pagan Con is. My mom is really more of a hnew age christian than a pagan and I not sure how comfortable she would feel. I do not want to short change her-my mom is a woman of a myriad interests, most would be surprised at how unique-yet, if she is not comfortable she might be clingy and it would annoy me alot. I just was in a low place this past winter and really did not have the energy to spare. I am sure Con 2007 will be better.
I LOVE the drumming and D had his huge drum this year. Drumming and rituals are all Con is about for me. I am almost in a trance when I dance during it. I do not really think of anything or anyone. My heart beats in time with the drum and I move my body to the beat of the drum and my heart. It is like a moving meditation. I am truly able to clear my mind and take advantage of the clarity such a state brings. I think it went a long way towards chasing away the winter blahs.
The other ritual I attended (with T) was an Egyptian ritual where you visited the land of the dead. It was a powerful ritual about facing the choices you have made and answering for them. I have to say that I do not consider myself to be a person who has made many choices that I fear to face-with the exception of one that I do not look at too closely and have never admitted to anyone all that was involved-but I have to say that I looked at more choices I have made in my life than I realized and found some measure of the peace with the choice that haunts me still.
~~~~Where ever you go, There you are!