Saturday, August 27, 2005

I have been practicing witchcraft about 10 years now. My daughter, who will be 12 in October has no memory of us ever not practicing witchcraft. I often forget how ingrained in my psyche christianity is, but she keeps me grounded because she has no idea who Noah is or why he would be in an ark for 40 days and 40 nights and thought it was hilarious when her friends tried to explain it. If you ask her about Moses she will tell you that the Prince of Egypt was her favorite cartoon a few years ago-she likes mythology alot though I have not taught her much christian mythology. I have never been formally initiated by a coven, I have been a member of a few and even run a couple, but never been formally initiated. I was going to do the whole a year and a day thing when I was studying wicca, but found the structure of covens does not suit my personal practice. I am an eclectic-(meaning I borrow from all paths whatever I like and find useful except the dogma), kitchen-(usually meaning simple tools used-whats at hand, like herbs etc. If the spell calls for a blue candle and I only have lavender, that will do), solitary-(though occassionally I do participate in circle work my most recent coven has taken differing paths), witch-(meaning I most definetely do practice magick) with Wiccan and Buddhist tendencies. I would also consider myself to be a practicing Buddhist, though the Buddhism is much newer to me than the witchcraft. I would still consider myself to be a seeker, though I have also been a teacher. I hope to be a "seeker" forever. I have been interested in the role religion and spirituality plays in individuals for as long as I can remember. At a young age I outgrew christianity, it had too many inconsistencies for me. Briefly (early teens) I studied Islam and found a beauty of spirit and practice, but again far too rigid for me. Briefly I again studied christianity as a young adult, read the bible and again it was not for me. I also very briefly studied Judaism-I had a friend who was converting and I went to temple to support her and fell in love with the practices and services-but again the "book" ruined it for me. I finally found that the major three religions being based on scripture just were never going to work for me. As it turns out the friend who was converting to Judaism had dated a Wiccan and was familiar with it. One day I was discussing with her what I really believed about religion and spirituality and she told me I was close to Wiccan in my beliefs. With a name, I knew where to begin. I found other wiccans and the "pagan" community in michigan-the rest, as they say, is history :) I quickly decided that wicca was not for me, but still use many of the sabbats and esbats-the wheel of the year-both in teaching my daughter and also in my covens. I eventually fell away from extensive group or coven work because the more I practiced the less I adhered to the rules. I do not do much magic or spell work-only when I need to. I have never had a spell that did not work, though a few have worked in ways I did not want them to:) To keep up my skills, I try to meditate daily and usually cleanse my chakras often. I have come to the realization that "tools" are not necesary for me to do spellwork and I only use them if I am distracted during or by spellwork. I can do a spell at work surrounded by my "muggle" co-workers and it is as effective as if I am at home in front of my altar. My practice grows with me and it can be frustrating for those I practice with. That is what happened with my last coven. 2 of the members were very new, 2 pretty experienced but more formally and Dianic than me, there was 1 other more experienced than myself but just as eclectic. It got to be too much strain to accomodate everyones differing needs and styles of practice, not to mention schedule. I do not like scripted rituals. I would usually explain what we were doing and why and ask each person to say what they felt comfortable with or what they felt was appropriate or nothing was fine too. I am of the mind if someone else wrote it for you to say you do not mean it and what would be the point of meaningless words during a ritual or spell? I also rarely call quarters or lay a circle. In my mind a circle is for protection, we do not need protection for a simple ritual to honor say spring or summer. I call the quarters for protection or guidance, again not really necesary for simple rituals. That type of practice is difficult for newbies and those following more structured paths and so we stayed friends and gather a few times a year but most have found covens that more closely meet their needs. I myself have used my coven-less time to deepen my Buddhist studies. I am also preparing to begin more basic instruction with my daughter, to help her find her own path as she nears her teen years. I am also researching Dark Witchcraft because I hear so many versions of the term I am never sure exactly what is meant until I ask the practitioner. I would not consider myself a "dark" witch necesarily (though by many definitions I would certainly fall into that category), but always say I practice "black" magic because as a black woman I sure as shit am not going to practice "white" magick:) However, for me magick is an extension of nature. Nature is both birth and death, both sunshine and rain, hurricanes and gentle cleansing breezes. It is all about balance in my opinion. I think many witches forget that with the "harm none" ideal. I certainly do not try to go around harming others, but have done so before and would do so again if I considered it necesary. The conflict in that ideal definetely lead to my break from wicca. I very much have my own mind and while others beliefs and practices interest me, I can not "practice" in a way that does not make sense to me or fit my current path. My path is constantly changing and growing as I change and grow. So, I go to local pagan events, participate in a few "open" rituals and never miss Convocation, otherwise, I pretty much do my own thang. I am also interested in the "nature" of evil. It can be in the eye of the beholder, much like beauty. What seems evil to one person may seem natural to another. I think we all have the ability for evil inside of us and even the most horrid, twisted, sick individual in the world has something good about them. So I have mixed feelings on "evil" and the role it plays in nature. I am still studying evil and waiting to form an opinion. I have also found that many pagans who consider themselves "satanists" are not bad, do not believe in the "christian" devil nor worship him. I am still not sure why they call themselves satanists as it seems to give the wrong impression of their beliefs but after explaining my beliefs I have had christians say I should not call myself a witch as it leads people to believe I am evil. Sigh, so who knows?
~~~~Where ever you go, there you are!

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home