Well, the holidays are over and I survived. I have to say this has probably been my least happiest and most hectic holiday since 2001/2002. All in all it was not awful, but it was hectic and crazy and from Thanksgiving on and I never once felt excited about the holidays, I only felt stressed and hectic about it. It used to be that Christmas was my favorite holiday of the year. I just loved everything about it-the decorations, the shopping, the lights, the songs. Of course, as an adult that has not been as true-as so much more is expected of an adult during the holidays than is expected of a kid. Yet, this year I just plain felt ba-hum-bug about the whole darn thing. But, it is over and the nicest thing I can say about it is ......it is over. I did not have a bad year. I was not too broke to buy what I needed and wanted to buy. I have a job with a future, my family is all alive and in good health and I had the good fortune to see them over the holidays. I am not sure what made this year so much more stressful and less hopeful than usual for me. Maybe it was the early cold and snow.
Either way, I have been asked at least 1000 times since yesterday how my holidays were and each time I have said "fine", but inside felt like saying OVER!!!!! is how my holidays are, finally done, already. Then on the way home this evening I was talking to my friend T and she was telling me about a friend of hers who was diagnosed the Monday before Christmas with Ovarian Cancer Stage 3-which has about a 10% survival rate. Suddenly, my holidays are whole lot better. I think I often discount the everyday things that make life excellent. I am older true, but I have my health and my mind. I do not make as much I would like- but I make enough to pay all of my bills and have most of the extras. I have friends who care about me and family that loves me. No one close to me is seriously much less terminally ill. I have heat and electricity and cable. My life is truly good and full.
I already hear folks talking about New Years Resolutions, what we want to see happen in the upcoming year. What I would really like for myself is to live and appreciate each moment as it happens, as it exists solely for what it is in that moment. Then, this time next year I will not be feeling like I can barely believe another year has passed and is gone and I STILL have not lost weight or remarried or gone back to college or bought a house or taken a cruise, etc, etc, etc. I spend so much time worrying about what has happened and what will happen that I forgot that I forgot about what is happening. Truly, this moment *is* my life.
~~~~Where ever you go, There you are!