I finished reading Brokeback Mountain. I am planning on seeing the movie tommorrow at the Main Art theatre. I saw a preview for the movie when my mom and I went to see North Country. I had never heard of it and did not realize it was even based on a story until I looked it up online. In fact it is based on a short story by Annie Proulx. I have been on the waiting list at the library for almost a month and received a call yesterday letting me know it was available for me to pick up. I was interested in Brokeback Mountain from watching the trailer. At surface it appeared to be a kind of gay cowboy love story. That interested me. I was happy to see homosexuality explored in a real life, non-exploitive or sensational way as well as a non-AIDS related storyline. The trailer shows the men hugging and one of them saying it could be like this always. A scene where people in the small town they live in question how they find ways to keep busy on that mountain. The absolute most touching scene for me was the scene where one of the men is holding and smelling the others shirt. A small thing, but a real thing. I have smelled the shirt of a man I missed, his smell haunting me. I was also interested to see decent well-known actors in a story about gay yet masculine men. I like both Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Anyway, I looked it up online and saw that the movie was based on a story and the story was positively reviewed as a heart-wrenching love story. I have been really looking forward to reading it and was somewhat disappointed to see it was only 55 pages long-with large print no less! The story is deep and it has been some hours since I read it and I have to say I am still haunted by it. The story starts with two late teen boys who take work one summer as sheep ranchers/herders-whatever the actual term is. One of them stays at the base camp Jack-cooks, looks after the horses and the other, Ennis-stays with the sheep-even sleeping with them. Now I knew going in these boys were going to end up in love and I have read books about gay male relationships before. Um, let me just say this was not like them at all. If I was not familiar with the plot I would never have finished the story-the beginning was just that uninteresting to me. The boys spend time around the fire pissing into the flames and talking about ranching and rodeoing-nothing I am really interested in at all. The sex scene almost snuck up on me. Yet, it was crude and rude and silent-something like what I would guess sex between men of this caliber to be like. I know the story was written by a woman-but I found it a very believable portrayal of the relationship between two men. The never talk about the sex, never discuss it-they just "let it happen". Of course, they both announce to each other that they are not gay or queer or fags, not them, no way. They part at the end of the summer. Jack seems to want more, but Ennis is engaged to Alma and he is not gay and seems ok with the parting. Yet, not a mile down the road he has to pull over because he is so upset he thinks he will be physically ill. He marries Alma and they have 2 daughters, he seems mostly content with his life in an unambitious satisfied sort of way. Four years later, out of the blue he gets a mere paragraph letter from Jack saying he will be out that way on the 24th and wants to see Ennis if Ennis wants to see him. Ennis sends back a two word reply along the lines of you bet. This is where the story really starts to suck me in. Ennis sees Jack pull up in his truck and can not help himself for running towards him, they are slapping each other on the back and calling each other sons of bitches when they just start kissing right on the front porch. Ennis' wife is in the doorway. They do not discuss it and Ennis quickly heads off to a local motel with Jack. It becomes clear at this point that Jack did and does want more than good sex with Ennis. He wants a life with him. Jack is married with a son to woman of means who's father has offered to pay him to disappear and he wants Ennis to come with him. They can take the money and open a ranching operation of their own. Ennis lets him know right away that can never be. He will not leave his wife and girls but more than that he deeply believes that men who live like that end up dead. His father took him and his older brother when he was just a young boy to see the lynched body of a homosexual man-his penis torn from his body, his nose worn away as his body was dragged face down through the gravel. Obviously it effected Ennis deeply and he is never able to move past that. More importantly he is never able to accept himself as a homosexual nor his love for Jack. What follows is about 15 years of hunting and fishing trips 3 or 4 times a year for a week or more at a time. Ennis and his wife stop having sex and eventually she leaves him and remarries. Still he does not make a life with Jack. Ennis still sleeps with the occasional woman and to the end of the short story never sleeps with any man other than Jack. It is implied that is not the case with Jack, though Jack still clearly loves Ennis and years later tries again to get him to move away with him. Ennis is still not able to let go and be who he really is. The final paragraph of the story describes Ennis's attitude about his sexuality and his relationship with Jack best. "There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it." The sadness of it about broke my heart. To be alive for many years yet to never really live because you are afraid of who and what you are. This is a true heart-wrenching love story and I am deeply moved by it.
http://www.brokebackmountain.com/splash.html
Above is the official website for the movie. On the left of the page is a link called "Share Your Story". I clicked on it and read some of the experiences posted there. Absoluetly heart wrenching. Sad, happy, true. Some of the people who wrote in were currently living this story-with wives and weekends away fishing with their lovers. Others had stories of teen, pre-teen and armed services romances. One man told his story of being in the armed services over seas in the early 80's and his friendship that grew into more. They both completed their tour, returned to the States, left that part of thier lives behind them, married and 22 years later he wrote that this movie had the power to make him sob and wonder.
The power of fear and social repercussions. It made me think of the recent backlash of feeling about the importance of being politically correct in our current society. Sometimes I too feel like maybe we have taken this too far. Then I read this story and I know we have not taken it far enough. What is it about humans that breeds intolerance? Why is it that we tend to all pretend that there is only a few acceptable ways to live your life and that any who fall out of that pattern are a danger to the rest of us? Why do men feel so extremely threatened by homosexual men? Women are disgusted by it, but not violently so. Men seem to need to hit, harm, kill homosexual men. Why? What is so scary or frightening about it? The power of fear. The power we give fear. Fear and guilt I think cause so much unhappiness and stem so much of the power and strength and joy that can be life. That is why it is so important to not tolerate public intolerance. This America and you have the absolute Constitution given right to be as small minded, petty, racist, homophobic, fundamentalist as you like. I support that right full heartedly 100%. Yet in public you have to be polite to everyone and be conscious of others feelings and view points. It is no easy small thing to be different than others, to walk to the beat of your own drummer. I respect those that have the incredible courage it takes to live in a way that is true to who they are.
~~~~Where ever you go, There you are!