Where oh where is my frigging helmet? I am enjoying the winter blahs as it is and feeling frustrated and unappreciated at work, then A calls me sobbing telling me she has stepped on a nail and is in a lot of pain. S was at work today and I knew she would give me crap about leaving so I stayed. In fact, I did not even ask to leave. It about broke my heart. To think my baby is at home in pain all alone and I am stuck at work getting screamed at by some 60 yr old guy who is mad because his wife has to sign a new contract because the account is in her name and not his. It just brought home to me how unsatisfied I am right now. Then, when I do get home I take A to Urgent Care and in the waiting room I am reading Oprah's "O" magazine and it is all about how to find a career that suits you and a perfect partner and to make your first million. It just made me feel worse. The article was about people who work as career counselors and hospice workers and charity fundraisers-where are the magazines with articles about people like me? That is why I do not watch Oprah-her show only applies to the upper class and I do not care if they are unhappy-they really have no right to be. The article did talk about change and I know I am blue because it is time for me to move on at work and I can not find an opening that works for me. I remember how much I did not want to transfer to where I am now. I remember how anxious I was and nervous and how hard it was to find my niche. I fit really well now and am happy except for my boss and the demands somewhat-more the lack of support and appreciation for what I do. I am just overwhelmed today. I have no support. My mom moves heaven and earth to help K but has no time for me. My father is not reliable, my friends are not reliable, my ex-husband is not reliable-it is just me. Most times I do not care, most times it does not matter-but today I want help. Today I want someone I can call who can actually help me. I was even desperate enough to call Je-who did not answer or call back. It is so odd to think that this time last year he was probably my best friend and I talked to him everyday for hours and saw him at least once a week. It does not really matter, A is my responsibility and not anyone elses-not even her father apparently. My glass is most definetely half empty today.
It is what it is. As L says, "My life sucks and I have no helmet!"
~~~~Whever ever you go, There you are!