Well, my posts are getting closer together. Not close enough to be called frequent, but something similiar to it anyway.
So what's been going on? Well, life has been interesting for the most part. I am applying for a promotion at work. I am applying for the same position but at 7 stores. It is a long shot for me to get the position because I am attempting to jump over holding a formal sales position. I assumed because of that I would have no chance. However, my name is out there is in the district according to both my manager and district manager so it may happen for me after all. The interviews are wearing me out though. The always go pretty well, but I am nervous and say the wrong thing or am not sure what to say. Sigh, I used to be so good at interviewing. Well, in all honesty I used to be good at bullshitting. I was never a huge bullshitter, but I could tell a lie that could fool a polygraph tester. However, I do not really lie much anymore (not counting white lies) and I am increasingly uncomfortable with lying at all. Which is why I want to skip sales. Most sales people lie more by omission than anything else, but I do not want to even do that. I like that the offers I give my customers are truly what I believe is best for them. I may be incorrect, but it was given to the best of my immediate knowledge as the best offer. I have to blur the truth a bit in management, but nothing like what will be required in sales. I am uncomfortable with bullshitting period, so that makes my interviews difficult. I am too honest. Usually it works to my advantage because people know it is the truth if I say it is. On the other hand it works against me in the instance of interviews. I have never understood why people lie about thier skills to get a position. Once you are hired the cat is out of the bag and imagine how unhappy they will be. It is better to be honest and set real expectations. S, my manager, says that I lack confidence in my self and that is why I do not boast. I do not agree but perhaps there is something to it. I think she sees me in a way I do not see myself. I need to project more confidence in my interactions with others, clearly.
On the dating front....yikes!!!!! Well, I had two dates with S and have no plans to see him again. The first date was dinner and was nice. He was sweet and respectful. I was not at all attracted to him physically but he seemed nice so I thought I would date him and see if he grew on me. He talked mostly about himself and did not ask much about me but I figured maybe he was just really shy. Then we were supposed to go to the movies the following week but there was not really anything that we both wanted to see and he had Hostel on DVD and asked if he could come over and watch it. I was kind of uncomfortable with the idea of having him at my house so soon, but figured I should be less suspicious. It was ok, he was more pushy than I would have liked for intimacy but backed off when I said to. A was gone for the weekend and he wanted us to get together again saturday night. Well, I had a feeling he thought he would come to my house and get laid. I like to be as honest as possible in all of my dealings so I let him know that he was welcome to come over and watch a movie but that there would be no sex of any kind at all. He had the nerve to have a f*cking attitude about it. He text messages me saying he is horny. My first instinct was to text him back and say, "So fucking what." I HATE when men do that. What am I supposed to do about that? If we just met and are just dating, your horniness level has nothing to do with me. I am not a prositute nor a 1-900 phone sex number and most certainly am not obligated to ease your horniness. It is kind of insulting to be honest. However, I have male friends and I know that men do not mean it to be insulting. They must think it is sexy or cute or a round about way of asking for sex with out having to face direct rejection. Whatever it is intended to do, all it does in fact is piss me off. So, I text him back saying, "I'm bored, nice to meet you." He must not have gotten it because he texts me back saying, "I'm serious. I'm horny and I like you, blah, blah, blah...." I do not remember what he said beyond that, but thats the gist of it anyway. I was pissed so I called the date off, told him I was not interested in a casual sexual relationship and would speak with him later. He sends me back text apologizing and saying it is probably best to talk the next day. I knew then that I would never see him again. I am not against casual sex morally. I have never had casual sex but would do so if I met someone who turned me on enough that I wanted to allow them into my body and did not really know them. It is not a moral issue for me, just a comfort level issue. It takes me time to be comfortable with most men. Until I reach that comfort level I have strict boundaries and no one goes past that. I do not do things I do not want to do and that includes having sex when I do not want to just because my date is horny. It pissed me off not because he was so crass. I barely know him so nothing lost there. It pissed me off because every time I try to see what develops with a guy I am not initially attracted to it goes wrong somehow. First there was L who wanted me to spank him while he crawled across the floor. I was not even sure he was serious, but either way I was disgusted. Then there was that guy a few months ago who had decided I was "The One" for him, which could not be true since I did not like him at all, not even a little bit. Now S....every time I try to what and see what develops I end up more angry than anything else. N says I am too picky. Perhaps. Now, S is texting me so I sent him a "you are a nice person but we are both looking for different things" message. He did not get that either and asked if we could talk, I agreed and he called me the last two nights after I was asleep and so I called him after work today and he did not answer. Hopefully he can let it go and move on. I am not angry anymore but I am not going to see him either. I am not going to take this any further either. I am not attracted to him, no spark at all. Really the only thing he had going for him was his personality and he blew that. I wish him well truly because he is not a bad person but his expectations are not going to fly with me. Sigh.
We have a pervert in our apartment complex, a flasher. I laughed when I first hear about it. I have always found the idea of lashing your genitals at someone laughable. I have never been flashed so maybe it is scary, but I honestly think I would probably laugh. Well, this flasher has progressed to breaking into homes through the sliding glass doors or open windows (with screens) and woman wake up and he is standing over them naked from the waist down masturbating. Well, that is not funny at all. I think I would a fricking heart attack if I was to wake up to a strange man masturbating near me while I slept. So, I am leaving the air on-even though it has cooled way down-and leaving all doors and windows locked tightly and A is staying at my mom's unless I am home. I am just hoping they catch this guy-probably a resident-before he rapes and kills someone. He is clearly escalating his behavior, heck, he may even have raped someone already and the police are just not releasing the information, great!
~~~~Where you go, there you are!
So what's been going on? Well, life has been interesting for the most part. I am applying for a promotion at work. I am applying for the same position but at 7 stores. It is a long shot for me to get the position because I am attempting to jump over holding a formal sales position. I assumed because of that I would have no chance. However, my name is out there is in the district according to both my manager and district manager so it may happen for me after all. The interviews are wearing me out though. The always go pretty well, but I am nervous and say the wrong thing or am not sure what to say. Sigh, I used to be so good at interviewing. Well, in all honesty I used to be good at bullshitting. I was never a huge bullshitter, but I could tell a lie that could fool a polygraph tester. However, I do not really lie much anymore (not counting white lies) and I am increasingly uncomfortable with lying at all. Which is why I want to skip sales. Most sales people lie more by omission than anything else, but I do not want to even do that. I like that the offers I give my customers are truly what I believe is best for them. I may be incorrect, but it was given to the best of my immediate knowledge as the best offer. I have to blur the truth a bit in management, but nothing like what will be required in sales. I am uncomfortable with bullshitting period, so that makes my interviews difficult. I am too honest. Usually it works to my advantage because people know it is the truth if I say it is. On the other hand it works against me in the instance of interviews. I have never understood why people lie about thier skills to get a position. Once you are hired the cat is out of the bag and imagine how unhappy they will be. It is better to be honest and set real expectations. S, my manager, says that I lack confidence in my self and that is why I do not boast. I do not agree but perhaps there is something to it. I think she sees me in a way I do not see myself. I need to project more confidence in my interactions with others, clearly.
On the dating front....yikes!!!!! Well, I had two dates with S and have no plans to see him again. The first date was dinner and was nice. He was sweet and respectful. I was not at all attracted to him physically but he seemed nice so I thought I would date him and see if he grew on me. He talked mostly about himself and did not ask much about me but I figured maybe he was just really shy. Then we were supposed to go to the movies the following week but there was not really anything that we both wanted to see and he had Hostel on DVD and asked if he could come over and watch it. I was kind of uncomfortable with the idea of having him at my house so soon, but figured I should be less suspicious. It was ok, he was more pushy than I would have liked for intimacy but backed off when I said to. A was gone for the weekend and he wanted us to get together again saturday night. Well, I had a feeling he thought he would come to my house and get laid. I like to be as honest as possible in all of my dealings so I let him know that he was welcome to come over and watch a movie but that there would be no sex of any kind at all. He had the nerve to have a f*cking attitude about it. He text messages me saying he is horny. My first instinct was to text him back and say, "So fucking what." I HATE when men do that. What am I supposed to do about that? If we just met and are just dating, your horniness level has nothing to do with me. I am not a prositute nor a 1-900 phone sex number and most certainly am not obligated to ease your horniness. It is kind of insulting to be honest. However, I have male friends and I know that men do not mean it to be insulting. They must think it is sexy or cute or a round about way of asking for sex with out having to face direct rejection. Whatever it is intended to do, all it does in fact is piss me off. So, I text him back saying, "I'm bored, nice to meet you." He must not have gotten it because he texts me back saying, "I'm serious. I'm horny and I like you, blah, blah, blah...." I do not remember what he said beyond that, but thats the gist of it anyway. I was pissed so I called the date off, told him I was not interested in a casual sexual relationship and would speak with him later. He sends me back text apologizing and saying it is probably best to talk the next day. I knew then that I would never see him again. I am not against casual sex morally. I have never had casual sex but would do so if I met someone who turned me on enough that I wanted to allow them into my body and did not really know them. It is not a moral issue for me, just a comfort level issue. It takes me time to be comfortable with most men. Until I reach that comfort level I have strict boundaries and no one goes past that. I do not do things I do not want to do and that includes having sex when I do not want to just because my date is horny. It pissed me off not because he was so crass. I barely know him so nothing lost there. It pissed me off because every time I try to see what develops with a guy I am not initially attracted to it goes wrong somehow. First there was L who wanted me to spank him while he crawled across the floor. I was not even sure he was serious, but either way I was disgusted. Then there was that guy a few months ago who had decided I was "The One" for him, which could not be true since I did not like him at all, not even a little bit. Now S....every time I try to what and see what develops I end up more angry than anything else. N says I am too picky. Perhaps. Now, S is texting me so I sent him a "you are a nice person but we are both looking for different things" message. He did not get that either and asked if we could talk, I agreed and he called me the last two nights after I was asleep and so I called him after work today and he did not answer. Hopefully he can let it go and move on. I am not angry anymore but I am not going to see him either. I am not going to take this any further either. I am not attracted to him, no spark at all. Really the only thing he had going for him was his personality and he blew that. I wish him well truly because he is not a bad person but his expectations are not going to fly with me. Sigh.
We have a pervert in our apartment complex, a flasher. I laughed when I first hear about it. I have always found the idea of lashing your genitals at someone laughable. I have never been flashed so maybe it is scary, but I honestly think I would probably laugh. Well, this flasher has progressed to breaking into homes through the sliding glass doors or open windows (with screens) and woman wake up and he is standing over them naked from the waist down masturbating. Well, that is not funny at all. I think I would a fricking heart attack if I was to wake up to a strange man masturbating near me while I slept. So, I am leaving the air on-even though it has cooled way down-and leaving all doors and windows locked tightly and A is staying at my mom's unless I am home. I am just hoping they catch this guy-probably a resident-before he rapes and kills someone. He is clearly escalating his behavior, heck, he may even have raped someone already and the police are just not releasing the information, great!
~~~~Where you go, there you are!
posted by Laileanah at 6:35 PM
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