The Nigger Incident Part 3
Laileana May 1, 2006
A called me at work to tell me that a classmate had called her a nigger in science class. I was so surprised I was not really sure what to say at first. I asked A if the teacher heard the classmate. She said no. I asked her if she had told her teacher. She told me that she had filled out a form to talk to Mrs. Suhajda about it. I told A to tell the truth, not be upset or fight the girl and let Mrs. Suhajda deal with it. I had spoken to Mrs. Suhajda before and always had a positive experience with her so I felt confident that it would be dealt with. I was expecting to hear from Mrs. Suhajda at some point during the day saying that she had in fact spoken to A. That did not happen. When A got home from school she called me at work to tell me that she had spoken to Mrs. Suhajda that Jackie lied about calling her a nigger and that Mrs. Suhajda would not do anything unless someone else heard Jackie call her a nigger. She also told me that after their meeting with Mrs. Suhajda, another student overheard Jackie saying she called her a nigger and that she had tried to tell Mrs. Suhajda about it but she was meeting with another student. I called Mrs. Suhajda at about 2:50 to see what was going on. Mrs. Suhajda let me know that she had spoken to A and that unfortunately the other girl denied calling A a nigger and so it was a case of he said/she said. I was not at all surprised to hear that the girl denied calling A a nigger to the counselor. She would have to be pretty stupid to admit to an incident that would get her in trouble. Mrs. Suhajda let me know that she was going to interview the other students involved, that she had another student in her office waiting for her when she saw A that she needed to get back to. She seemed concerned about whether or not the squirrel was a pet or in the back yard and whether it was really named squigger. She did tell me that she let Jackie know it was inappropriate to use the word squigger. She also let me know that she had not spoken to Mr. May, the assistant principal about the incident but was going to speak with him as soon as she had a chance to speak with the other students. Mrs. Suhajda seemed to feel it was a misunderstanding and that perhaps Jackie’s remarks were taken out of context. I asked what context such a comment would be appropriate in. Mrs. Suhajda said the “n” word was never appropriate. She explained that she would not be able to speak with the students further today. I understood that because school was out and the students were already dismissed for the day. She said that either she or Mr. May would be contacting me after they had spoken with some of the other students. I got the feeling from our conversation that Mrs. Suhajda did not believe A. That she felt that A was either lying or had misunderstood Jackie and that unless a student came forward and said they heard Jackie call A a nigger not a whole lot was going to be done about this. I told Mrs. Suhajda that this was a big deal to me and to A, that A had never before been called a nigger and how upset she was. I also let her know that I expected the school to handle this and I was not sure if A would be returning until it was dealt with. I also told her that I could understand needing to speak with witnesses and that I was planning to call Mr. May myself. I was disappointed that this incident was being dismissed by A’s counselor. I was disappointed that A was being repeatedly humiliated. First she is humiliated by being called a nigger by another student, than she is humiliated a second time by the counselor telling her she believes that Jacki did not call her a nigger because Jackie has African American friends, she is humiliated a third time by Jackie bragging to her friends that she called A a nigger, lied about it and Mrs. Suhajda believed her and yet a fourth time by her compliant being totally trivialized and dismissed. I was upset that she was being seen not as the victim, but that she was in fact to be dismissed unless she could produce witnesses. I was not at all satisfied with my conversation with Mrs. Suhajda so I took a few moments to calm down and gather my thoughts before calling Mr. May.
I spoke with Mr. May at 3:15pm. He answered the phone and I identified myself by name and as A’s mother. He asked how I was and how he could help me. I asked if he spoken with Mrs. Suhajda and he said he had in fact spoken with her just a moment ago. Well, if he had just spoken to her, than he knew very well why I was calling and what he could do to help me. So why treat me in such a condescending manner? He was polite but I got the impression from him that he was not too concerned about the incident and not at all anxious to deal with it. When I asked he did tell me that it was against the student code book to use racial slurs and that he had dealt with a student before for breaking that rule. Again, he let me know that it was he said/she said incident and that he or Mrs. Suhajda would call me. Then he thanked me for calling. At no point did he acknowledge that A had been victimized, that the student was wrong for treating A as she did. Instead of validating my concerns and taking responsibility for the situation being handled, he trivialized the incident in a polite and dismissive manner.
I honestly expected more of Mr. May. I have always felt comfortable talking to him and A has as well. However, after speaking with both Mrs. Suhajda and Mr. May it was apparent to me that this was not being taken seriously and would not be unless A could find someone willing to speak up about what happened to her. It was like she was being victimized all over again. I told A that what Jackie said to her was wrong and that the way Mrs. Suhajda treated her was wrong. I asked her to type up a letter of exactly what happened, what was said, where she was, who was around her and what she did. That way she has a record of the incident to provide and is not trying to explain when she is already upset.
A is not a perfect child and she has been disciplined at school for misbehaving and even for lying. However, it has never been brought to my attention any incident where she has lied maliciously in an attempt to get another student in trouble. If she was lying about this incident it would only be in an attempt to get Jackie into trouble. I can not understand what would motivate her to do so. A may talk back to a substitute teacher or lie about doing her homework, but I have not known her to lie to get someone else into trouble. Jackie was a friend of hers and lives close to her friend T, and I know A has played with her before outside of school, so she would not have a motivation to try and get Jackie in trouble. On the other hand, Jackie, knowing she would be in trouble for calling A a nigger, has every motive to lie. Yet, Jackie is being believed and A is forced to try to find another 12 year old student willing to act as a witness for her, unbelievable. Obviously neither Mr. May nor Mrs. Suhajda are aware of how often bystanders choose to ignore racist comments. I experience it all of the time as an African American. People are uncomfortable about racial issues and prefer to avoid them at all costs. I would prefer to avoid it too, but this is not an off-color remark made in jest that could be misunderstood or taken out of context. This child called A a nigger to her face. When A asked her to stop she did it again and again and again. A did what she was supposed to and handled it by following the school rules. She did not fight the girl. She went to the counseling office and asked for help immediately. She did exactly what she was supposed to do in this situation and I am very proud of her. If it was me I am not sure I would not have been able to handle the situation as well as she did. How is she repaid for handling this situation according to school policy? Her concerns are dismissed as he said/she said, the issue is trivialized and A is treated like a liar. Mrs. Suhajda was much concerned about why Jackie would have black friends and call A a nigger and whether or not there was a squirrel named Squigger, than she was about how A felt. At no point did she offer any explanation as to why A would lie about Jackie calling her a nigger. She implied that A misunderstood or took the comment out of context. What context would that be in? Even if it was a black squirrel named squigger-clearly a nigger squirrel, that should be addressed alone. The fact that the girl went far enough to say nigger and then call A a nigger to her face should be treated appropriately and addressed immediately. If Mrs. Suhajda had another student she had to attend to, then she should have had someone else handle the situation that day. Now, for all I know Jackie could have talked other students into lying for her and the situation has certainly been discussed among the students and who knows what they will say now. Jackie’s needs were put before A’s just like Jackie’s story was believed and A’s was not. So A is victimized by the school as well as the student. I am not sure what the school policy is involving racial slurs against students, but surely it should have been addressed in some manner immediately and not put off until the next day. At this point I am as concerned about the way Mrs. Suhajda treated A as I am Jackie calling her a nigger. Mrs. Suhajda seems to be focusing on whether or not Jackie is racist. I am not saying Jackie is a racist, she is a child and possibly she does not understand how extremely offensive and inappropriate that comment is. She may have been saying it because she saw how much it upset A and she was just trying to get a rise out of her. That is pretty standard behavior for middle school children. Not that ignorance or immaturity excuse Jackie’s behavior. Kids do mean and inappropriate things all of the time, all kids do. However, that is why schools have policies in place to deal with this type of behavior. A went to the counseling center seeking immediate assistance and was told she would have to fill out a form. I am not happy about that, but can understand that probably all students feel their concerns need to be addressed immediately. However, once Mrs. Suhajda had a chance to actually hear what happened and if she did not believe A and felt the incident needed to be researched, she should have done so immediately. If she could not, she should have seen to it that some one else did, another counselor, Mr. May or the principal, Mr. Hurst. I should also have been contacted as A’s mother and made aware of the situation. I am not asking that this girl be hanged in the Town Square or anything foolish as that. I do not even care if she is racist. This is the United States and she and her family have the right to be as ignorant and small minded as they like. However, A has rights as well. One of those rights is to not be verbally assaulted by her classmates. If she is, she has the right to be taken seriously and not treated like she misunderstood, took the comment out of context or lied. I am appalled at how she has been treated.
May 2, 2006
I drove A to school this morning along with her friend K J. A had asked K to please write out what she heard Jackie say after Jackie and A’s meeting with Mrs. Suhajda. K J gave it to me this morning to be turned in along with A’s statement. At the school, I assured A that I would be able to handle this and told her to go to class and to call me if she needed to. At about 7:15 I asked one of the receptionists in the Main Office if I could speak to Mr. May and she said she would see if he was available. I sat down in one of chairs in the office to wait. The receptionist was already contacting a teacher over the phone about a parent who was in the office before me. I could see Mr. May walking behind the receptionist’s desks. He saw me, nodded and kept walking. After the receptionist got off of the phone and the other parent left to see the teacher, the receptionist got up to see if Mr. May was available. Mr. May came out of his office to get me just as I was telling A to go to class and not to worry, I would take care of this incident. Mr. May said, “You wanted to see me?’ I said, “Yes.” He indicated that I should follow him to his office, which I did. He went in before me, sat down and said, “How can help you?” I did not sit down. I remained standing and said, “I had A write down her experience yesterday and we typed it out. Her friend who witnessed what Jackie said after her meeting with Mrs. Suhajda.” He thanked me and took a quick glance at K’s letter. I than asked that A and Jackie not sit together in science class. He asked for her science teachers name and wrote it down on a sticky note to move A to another table. Move A not Jackie, again implying that A was wrong and not the wronged. I left his office and the school feeling more dismissed, ignored and trivialized than ever.
I am still surprised and hurt at the way Mr. May is responding to this incident. He has always been friendly and encouraging when I have spoken to him at the Club Pride meetings or performances. He was very understanding when I called repeatedly worried about A when they went out of town for a performance last year. I have seen him in the hall or office in passing at school in the past and he has always been warm and easy to talk to. When he called me in February to tell me that A was on Step 2 disciplinary action, because she had signed my name to a note sent home by the teacher and then pretended to be me on the phone with the teacher, he assured me that A was a good kid and he was sure she had just made a mistake. Yet, when I called yesterday, he was polite, but rude. He asked me how I was and how he could help me. I asked if he had spoken to Mrs. Suhajda and he let me know that he had just finished speaking with her a moment ago in fact. So, why act like he did not know why I was calling and ask how he could help me? He knew good and well why I was calling and what he could do to help me. At no point did he say to me that he understood my concerns and that I could be assured that this matter would be taken care of. He let me know that Mrs. Suhajda would investigate it but that she had other students as well. His tone and demeanor was condescending and dismissive. I felt like the issue was being trivialized and A was being dismissed as a liar.
My experience this morning was even worse. He saw me in the office and did not come over to speak to me, even though he had to know why I was there. In fact, he acted like he was unhappy to see me in the office. Then again, the first thing he asked me in the office was how he could help me, as if he had no idea why I was at the school. He did not offer me a seat or even shut the door. He did not say anything reassuring like we are taking this incident seriously you have no reason to be concerned, this type of behavior is not tolerated at this school, anything to let me he was concerned about A. It was awful.
A called me at work to tell me that a classmate had called her a nigger in science class. I was so surprised I was not really sure what to say at first. I asked A if the teacher heard the classmate. She said no. I asked her if she had told her teacher. She told me that she had filled out a form to talk to Mrs. Suhajda about it. I told A to tell the truth, not be upset or fight the girl and let Mrs. Suhajda deal with it. I had spoken to Mrs. Suhajda before and always had a positive experience with her so I felt confident that it would be dealt with. I was expecting to hear from Mrs. Suhajda at some point during the day saying that she had in fact spoken to A. That did not happen. When A got home from school she called me at work to tell me that she had spoken to Mrs. Suhajda that Jackie lied about calling her a nigger and that Mrs. Suhajda would not do anything unless someone else heard Jackie call her a nigger. She also told me that after their meeting with Mrs. Suhajda, another student overheard Jackie saying she called her a nigger and that she had tried to tell Mrs. Suhajda about it but she was meeting with another student. I called Mrs. Suhajda at about 2:50 to see what was going on. Mrs. Suhajda let me know that she had spoken to A and that unfortunately the other girl denied calling A a nigger and so it was a case of he said/she said. I was not at all surprised to hear that the girl denied calling A a nigger to the counselor. She would have to be pretty stupid to admit to an incident that would get her in trouble. Mrs. Suhajda let me know that she was going to interview the other students involved, that she had another student in her office waiting for her when she saw A that she needed to get back to. She seemed concerned about whether or not the squirrel was a pet or in the back yard and whether it was really named squigger. She did tell me that she let Jackie know it was inappropriate to use the word squigger. She also let me know that she had not spoken to Mr. May, the assistant principal about the incident but was going to speak with him as soon as she had a chance to speak with the other students. Mrs. Suhajda seemed to feel it was a misunderstanding and that perhaps Jackie’s remarks were taken out of context. I asked what context such a comment would be appropriate in. Mrs. Suhajda said the “n” word was never appropriate. She explained that she would not be able to speak with the students further today. I understood that because school was out and the students were already dismissed for the day. She said that either she or Mr. May would be contacting me after they had spoken with some of the other students. I got the feeling from our conversation that Mrs. Suhajda did not believe A. That she felt that A was either lying or had misunderstood Jackie and that unless a student came forward and said they heard Jackie call A a nigger not a whole lot was going to be done about this. I told Mrs. Suhajda that this was a big deal to me and to A, that A had never before been called a nigger and how upset she was. I also let her know that I expected the school to handle this and I was not sure if A would be returning until it was dealt with. I also told her that I could understand needing to speak with witnesses and that I was planning to call Mr. May myself. I was disappointed that this incident was being dismissed by A’s counselor. I was disappointed that A was being repeatedly humiliated. First she is humiliated by being called a nigger by another student, than she is humiliated a second time by the counselor telling her she believes that Jacki did not call her a nigger because Jackie has African American friends, she is humiliated a third time by Jackie bragging to her friends that she called A a nigger, lied about it and Mrs. Suhajda believed her and yet a fourth time by her compliant being totally trivialized and dismissed. I was upset that she was being seen not as the victim, but that she was in fact to be dismissed unless she could produce witnesses. I was not at all satisfied with my conversation with Mrs. Suhajda so I took a few moments to calm down and gather my thoughts before calling Mr. May.
I spoke with Mr. May at 3:15pm. He answered the phone and I identified myself by name and as A’s mother. He asked how I was and how he could help me. I asked if he spoken with Mrs. Suhajda and he said he had in fact spoken with her just a moment ago. Well, if he had just spoken to her, than he knew very well why I was calling and what he could do to help me. So why treat me in such a condescending manner? He was polite but I got the impression from him that he was not too concerned about the incident and not at all anxious to deal with it. When I asked he did tell me that it was against the student code book to use racial slurs and that he had dealt with a student before for breaking that rule. Again, he let me know that it was he said/she said incident and that he or Mrs. Suhajda would call me. Then he thanked me for calling. At no point did he acknowledge that A had been victimized, that the student was wrong for treating A as she did. Instead of validating my concerns and taking responsibility for the situation being handled, he trivialized the incident in a polite and dismissive manner.
I honestly expected more of Mr. May. I have always felt comfortable talking to him and A has as well. However, after speaking with both Mrs. Suhajda and Mr. May it was apparent to me that this was not being taken seriously and would not be unless A could find someone willing to speak up about what happened to her. It was like she was being victimized all over again. I told A that what Jackie said to her was wrong and that the way Mrs. Suhajda treated her was wrong. I asked her to type up a letter of exactly what happened, what was said, where she was, who was around her and what she did. That way she has a record of the incident to provide and is not trying to explain when she is already upset.
A is not a perfect child and she has been disciplined at school for misbehaving and even for lying. However, it has never been brought to my attention any incident where she has lied maliciously in an attempt to get another student in trouble. If she was lying about this incident it would only be in an attempt to get Jackie into trouble. I can not understand what would motivate her to do so. A may talk back to a substitute teacher or lie about doing her homework, but I have not known her to lie to get someone else into trouble. Jackie was a friend of hers and lives close to her friend T, and I know A has played with her before outside of school, so she would not have a motivation to try and get Jackie in trouble. On the other hand, Jackie, knowing she would be in trouble for calling A a nigger, has every motive to lie. Yet, Jackie is being believed and A is forced to try to find another 12 year old student willing to act as a witness for her, unbelievable. Obviously neither Mr. May nor Mrs. Suhajda are aware of how often bystanders choose to ignore racist comments. I experience it all of the time as an African American. People are uncomfortable about racial issues and prefer to avoid them at all costs. I would prefer to avoid it too, but this is not an off-color remark made in jest that could be misunderstood or taken out of context. This child called A a nigger to her face. When A asked her to stop she did it again and again and again. A did what she was supposed to and handled it by following the school rules. She did not fight the girl. She went to the counseling office and asked for help immediately. She did exactly what she was supposed to do in this situation and I am very proud of her. If it was me I am not sure I would not have been able to handle the situation as well as she did. How is she repaid for handling this situation according to school policy? Her concerns are dismissed as he said/she said, the issue is trivialized and A is treated like a liar. Mrs. Suhajda was much concerned about why Jackie would have black friends and call A a nigger and whether or not there was a squirrel named Squigger, than she was about how A felt. At no point did she offer any explanation as to why A would lie about Jackie calling her a nigger. She implied that A misunderstood or took the comment out of context. What context would that be in? Even if it was a black squirrel named squigger-clearly a nigger squirrel, that should be addressed alone. The fact that the girl went far enough to say nigger and then call A a nigger to her face should be treated appropriately and addressed immediately. If Mrs. Suhajda had another student she had to attend to, then she should have had someone else handle the situation that day. Now, for all I know Jackie could have talked other students into lying for her and the situation has certainly been discussed among the students and who knows what they will say now. Jackie’s needs were put before A’s just like Jackie’s story was believed and A’s was not. So A is victimized by the school as well as the student. I am not sure what the school policy is involving racial slurs against students, but surely it should have been addressed in some manner immediately and not put off until the next day. At this point I am as concerned about the way Mrs. Suhajda treated A as I am Jackie calling her a nigger. Mrs. Suhajda seems to be focusing on whether or not Jackie is racist. I am not saying Jackie is a racist, she is a child and possibly she does not understand how extremely offensive and inappropriate that comment is. She may have been saying it because she saw how much it upset A and she was just trying to get a rise out of her. That is pretty standard behavior for middle school children. Not that ignorance or immaturity excuse Jackie’s behavior. Kids do mean and inappropriate things all of the time, all kids do. However, that is why schools have policies in place to deal with this type of behavior. A went to the counseling center seeking immediate assistance and was told she would have to fill out a form. I am not happy about that, but can understand that probably all students feel their concerns need to be addressed immediately. However, once Mrs. Suhajda had a chance to actually hear what happened and if she did not believe A and felt the incident needed to be researched, she should have done so immediately. If she could not, she should have seen to it that some one else did, another counselor, Mr. May or the principal, Mr. Hurst. I should also have been contacted as A’s mother and made aware of the situation. I am not asking that this girl be hanged in the Town Square or anything foolish as that. I do not even care if she is racist. This is the United States and she and her family have the right to be as ignorant and small minded as they like. However, A has rights as well. One of those rights is to not be verbally assaulted by her classmates. If she is, she has the right to be taken seriously and not treated like she misunderstood, took the comment out of context or lied. I am appalled at how she has been treated.
May 2, 2006
I drove A to school this morning along with her friend K J. A had asked K to please write out what she heard Jackie say after Jackie and A’s meeting with Mrs. Suhajda. K J gave it to me this morning to be turned in along with A’s statement. At the school, I assured A that I would be able to handle this and told her to go to class and to call me if she needed to. At about 7:15 I asked one of the receptionists in the Main Office if I could speak to Mr. May and she said she would see if he was available. I sat down in one of chairs in the office to wait. The receptionist was already contacting a teacher over the phone about a parent who was in the office before me. I could see Mr. May walking behind the receptionist’s desks. He saw me, nodded and kept walking. After the receptionist got off of the phone and the other parent left to see the teacher, the receptionist got up to see if Mr. May was available. Mr. May came out of his office to get me just as I was telling A to go to class and not to worry, I would take care of this incident. Mr. May said, “You wanted to see me?’ I said, “Yes.” He indicated that I should follow him to his office, which I did. He went in before me, sat down and said, “How can help you?” I did not sit down. I remained standing and said, “I had A write down her experience yesterday and we typed it out. Her friend who witnessed what Jackie said after her meeting with Mrs. Suhajda.” He thanked me and took a quick glance at K’s letter. I than asked that A and Jackie not sit together in science class. He asked for her science teachers name and wrote it down on a sticky note to move A to another table. Move A not Jackie, again implying that A was wrong and not the wronged. I left his office and the school feeling more dismissed, ignored and trivialized than ever.
I am still surprised and hurt at the way Mr. May is responding to this incident. He has always been friendly and encouraging when I have spoken to him at the Club Pride meetings or performances. He was very understanding when I called repeatedly worried about A when they went out of town for a performance last year. I have seen him in the hall or office in passing at school in the past and he has always been warm and easy to talk to. When he called me in February to tell me that A was on Step 2 disciplinary action, because she had signed my name to a note sent home by the teacher and then pretended to be me on the phone with the teacher, he assured me that A was a good kid and he was sure she had just made a mistake. Yet, when I called yesterday, he was polite, but rude. He asked me how I was and how he could help me. I asked if he had spoken to Mrs. Suhajda and he let me know that he had just finished speaking with her a moment ago in fact. So, why act like he did not know why I was calling and ask how he could help me? He knew good and well why I was calling and what he could do to help me. At no point did he say to me that he understood my concerns and that I could be assured that this matter would be taken care of. He let me know that Mrs. Suhajda would investigate it but that she had other students as well. His tone and demeanor was condescending and dismissive. I felt like the issue was being trivialized and A was being dismissed as a liar.
My experience this morning was even worse. He saw me in the office and did not come over to speak to me, even though he had to know why I was there. In fact, he acted like he was unhappy to see me in the office. Then again, the first thing he asked me in the office was how he could help me, as if he had no idea why I was at the school. He did not offer me a seat or even shut the door. He did not say anything reassuring like we are taking this incident seriously you have no reason to be concerned, this type of behavior is not tolerated at this school, anything to let me he was concerned about A. It was awful.
posted by Laileanah at 7:15 AM
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